when you get to that point during a plate of pizza rolls where you’re just popping them in your mouth whole and eating them like peanuts, that’s a good time to stop eating pizza rolls. when you hit that pizza roll rhythm.
(Source: allenmtang)
just fyi if i ever have a kid it’s gonna be wearing an owl costume at EVERY waking moment it’s entire life because i will forever be bitter it’s a human kid and not an actual owl
case in point
when it’s a baby:
toddler:
elementary school:
junior high:
high school:
formal event?:
adulthood:
THE REST OF THEIR LIFE PASSING IT FROM GENERATION TO GENERATION:
everything is going to be so annoying tomorrow
and i won’t notice because i’ll be passed out in a ditch by noon
He wasn’t sad. He was full of hope. About Colorado, and he was hoping to get an upgrade as an award’s member. And he said he was just real excited to get home and see Holly:(
(Source: belleprintemps)
In a commercial now airing nationally, the public gets its first glimpse of the reimagined mascot’s troubled past as he explains to a family that they should enjoy a breakfast of Honey Nut Cheerios because sweet honey and oats are what he used to distract his mind with whenever his foster father, Ray, would make BuzzBee face the basement wall and receive lashes across his back and wings with a length of cable wire. The family in the commercial then eats the cereal, greatly improving the bee’s mood.
According to company reps, subsequent ads will contain details about BuzzBee’s submissive foster mother’s refusal to acknowledge the abuse, his first nonconsensual sexual experiences involving his imposing older foster brother Craig, the 3 grams of healthy soluble fiber in Honey Nut Cheerios, and his struggles with emotional and physical intimacy as an adult.
“We’re planning to roll out his story with a series of ads over the next three years, which makes sense character-wise, because clearly someone this damaged would never vent his psychosexual wreckage all at once; he’s too repressed,” Ripp said of the colorful cartoon bee used to advertise the honey-and-almond-flavored breakfast cereal. “Besides, I think people will look forward to a long journey of really getting to know him slowly over time.”
